I am sorry, please forgive me for anything in me that may be contributing to my experience of not being able to ask for help from my Teacher. My experience of alienation, of prejudice, of non-inclusion.
I am Cleaning with my THOUGHTS ABOUT … that I am a burden and disappointment, that everyone is better off without me in their family, that no one can help me.
My thoughts that even my beloved Teacher will not and cannot help me. My thoughts that my Teacher does not see me with compassion or understanding. My thoughts that my Teacher does not keep my best interest at heart. My thoughts that I cannot trust anyone. My thoughts of not even trusting my Teacher. My thoughts of not trusting myself. My thoughts of not being being able to open myself to love and brightness. Thinking she was causing me pain and suffering.
My thoughts of fear that if I do not work and work and work everyone will reject me and I will be worthless and hated and not a good enough student.
Guilt for not working quickly enough, hard enough, long enough. Judgement of others for their poor conduct.
Thoughts of resentment towards my sisters and brothers.
Thoughts of pride and lack of humility. Thoughts of believing I don’t need to change. Thoughts of self-hatred. Thoughts of selfishness and stubbornness. Lack of gratitude.
I am Cleaning with my EXPERIENCE OF … Not understanding. Being completely confused, in a grey mess. Assuming everyone hates me and wants me to leave. Assuming even my Teacher wanted me to leave, that she hated me and didn’t believe I was capable of learning. That she hated me. That she didn’t want to help me. That she doubted my abilities while simultaneously wanting me to do more.
I am sorry, please forgive me for anything in me that is not Love.
I am sorry, please forgive me for anything in me that may be contributing to my experience of this problem.
I am sorry for not seeing all the beings that have helped me along the way, and continue to help me.. Please forgive me. I love you. I miss you. Please show me the path of truth. Please help me follow it.
